Am going mad

Am going mad guys. No work to do, no improvement in the kind of work I have been getting for the last couple of years, no challenges to look forward to, in short - life right now S**KS man.

For the past couple of days have nothing to do. Also, slowly the realization is sinking in that I am kind of loosing my technical skills. My aptitude is still good, and so is QA - but I am somehow getting the feeling that I am forgetting a lot of things I used to know. Seems to me that I am gradually turning into my own worst nightmare.

Things at the home front have been kind of bad for the last couple of weeks or so - and there is not even a silver lining in sight.

Have been quite far from my cheery self - which is troubling my friends here. The worst part is - I can not tell them the real reason behind my disposition. So, all thoughts are going around in my mind and there is no outlet in sight. God! I want to just leave everything behind and run away from all this maddening stuff. But then another part of me tells me to stand up and fight like a man, but am tired of doing so day in and day out. All I need is that silver lining, that hint of sunlight in the fog I am ingulfed in - and I will find my will to fight back - and fight back with a vengance. Am still searching.....

This is Hashir, signning off

Over and out

A bad day in office

As I sit here, reminiscing the day that has gone by and trying to determine what went wrong, all I can say is that this was one of the worst days in my professional life. I have seen bad days, and I believe that I will see some more (hopefully a small number) in future, but this comes right at the top because of the timing.

Well, it so happened that we were going through the "GO LIVE" phase of the project I am working on. All had gone well, and the just a couple of reports had to be tested before getting the green signal and having all "Well Done" and "Good Work" mails to start pouring in. But, this was not to be.... as in true Bollywood style and following Murphy's Law, the second last report to be tested - failed.

This report was developed by, hold your breath, your's truly. Since I was not a part of the team that was in office, so I was blissfully unaware of this, and remained in my ignorant heaven till Monday afternoon, when I reached office - only to have all volleys turned at me.

What saved me from getting lynched was that the onus was on the functional guy to test the report after it was developed, and thankfully I had a mail from him saying that all was fine. What happened was this - this report calls 4 other programs, and the fourth one failed because I did not pass one mandatory parameter.

I know that the responsibility of the correct development was on me, and I take all blame for this, specially because due to this we lost all ground we had gained during the development, and we also were not praised for a job well done - all because of me and the bl**dy missing parameter.

So, I tried to maintain a sober and serious face throughout the day - which surprised my team mates as they are used to seeing a happy and funny me - but then tough times need tough measures.

So ended my day - which was filled with a lit of shouting, and questions being raised on the way I work (My lead even said that I need to come out of the "second year" mentality.) When I asked him what that was, he said that second year students of engineering behave as if the whole world is theirs - and I need to get a bit serious.

Well, to tell you the truth, will think along these lines. Need to do some introspection. Till then

This is Hashir, signing off,

Over and out